Fear

What fears have you overcome and how?

I am a small person. Meaning that in almost everything that I do or attempt I have to get over the fact that some things are easy for some people, but not for me. I am constantly afraid that I will be left behind because I don’t get something or comprehend what is happening around me. I am an empath and in order to not let just anyone through my boundries of emotional and physical pertection I have to tune out important things that I should be aware of. I am afraid of so many things that make no sense to people.

I have abandoment issues from being left behind. It started with my father. Even though my Mother left him, he choose to not be involved in my developmental years. He choose to only be my father when it suited his situation. My grandmother, at no fault of her own, Died when I was about to turn six years old. She was my bestfriend at the time. She was my world. Here one day gone the next. No warning, No Goodbye. A young girl I connected with as a child. Swallowed a ballon by accident. Causing me to be afraid of something more then a father who could walk away, or death taking a love one away. Now I know that children are not safe from a world of suffering and pain. A simple piece of rubber can snuff out a life before it has time to begin. If I had a fear that maybe I am working on overcoming it would be to learn to be able to be alone. I worry so much about being left behind that I forget that we all come into this world alone, we have to learn things on our own, and eventually we are dying alone. The abandonment I have allowed to control me is not who I am and most importantly I don’t want my daughter to learn this to be normal either. I look back and I have come a long way from my fear, but looking a head I know I have a way to go.

What Stage Fright?

Have you ever performed on stage or given a speech?

First of all you’re talking to a person who comes from a family of performers. In High School I was, in theater arts for two years, having an actual role in three plays. Grease, Annie, The Match Maker. I was also in choir for three years, auditioning and being selected for Select Choir and varsity Choir, I received my lettermen’s jacket in Choir. I also earned a letter for speech and debate. I was a researcher on the debate team. I have never been afraid to speak my mind in front of a crowd. I can make an announcement on a PA system without being nervous. It’s a gift I guess.

Romantic?????

What’s your definition of romantic?

I’m not really sure what romantic is. I was raised by a single mother who really didn’t have time to try to romantically involved with anything. My husband was raised by two people who hurt each other more then tried to be loving to each other. When Wesley Makes the effort to be romantic I am afraid more times than not the sediment is often wasted on me. I have a hard time reading signals and realizing that romances in the air. Makes me feel like I’m not a complete person. Something that most women are longing for is something that I sometimes take for granted. I guess my idea of romance is just being able to count on each other, it’s randomly getting a bouquet of Sunflowers, remember to grab a pack of cigarettes just because I am not sure he has any. Staying awake to talk to each other even when we are dog ass tired. Running through our day but still stopping to have coffee, and surprise lunches just to talk about our upcoming week. Just considering each other. Looking at each other more than just being Mom and Dad. Being able to remember each other and our individual quirks.

Maybe to me romantic is overly romanticized. Because I think that love marriage and family are more than what people visualize when they decide to get married. Too many times people feel like if their marriage doesn’t work they could always get divorced instead of working on the actual situation. Recognizing that it takes work and it’s hard.