Category: Uncategorized

Left in the dark yet again.

My family has been left out of something that we should have been made aware of. Our nephew William has been having fainting spells to the point where his younger brother felt the need to text my father-in-law for help. Now my sister-in-law and my brother-in-law both have alienated my father-in-law and their sons lives yet their son felt the need to reach out to him for help because he had no idea what to do. Our nephew is going to turn 15 years old tomorrow . He is the oldest out of the group. As a child my husband and I where very much a part of his life and his upbringing and then suddenly we were blocked out of it.

I hate more than anything for children to be used as weapons to hurt 🤕 someone who otherwise could benefit their lives. We are not monsters, we have mental health illnesses that and no way stop us from being decent human beings. We’re parents, Uncle and Aunt, a brother and a sister to an extension of family and friends, and still we are threatened as second hand people. Not at all okay 😠

Hope my Boys know how much Aunt Momo loves them. Both of them Kaleb Noah and Kenneth William Ray. I will ride for both of you boys Til the Wheels fall off. Believe that.

Presidential Election

So many people have lost their minds during this 2020 election. As most people know our president for the last four years has been Donald Trump. now Donald Trump is not a politician he has never held any type of office in any kind of political aspect however he is a businessman. Running a country and running a business although they have a lot of things in common with one another are not the same. as I have said in the past I do not dislike Donald Trump I have spent years and years of my teenage and adult life watching him entertain the country but that’s where it ends with me. In 2016 I did not vote for him but I also did not vote for his opponent which was Hillary Clinton I didn’t agree with either one of their politics I didn’t agree with anything that they were willing to bring to the table and most importantly I had no faith in either one of them. They thing about political parties is that their initial goal is to promise inconceivable things that the other party is not willing to offer. In the end they both are lying to themselves and to this country.

So when it came to the 2020 election the two parties involved were Donald Trump and Joe Biden. I’m going out here now to tell you that I will not disclose who I voted for or who I didn’t vote for in hindsight I honestly should have researched a little more on the other two candidates that were on the ballot. Normally I would do just that but I did not and my vote was counted and from here on it is what it is. If we have learned something from this election it is that we can be told several times something and we choose to ignore what is most important and we find out how easily people who find out that you don’t agree with what their politics are can just drop you and act as if they can not associate with disagreement.

In all honesty we also dealt with a president who would not take losing as an option. It is completely one thing to want and honest outcome, stemming from what you believe is the right answer, yet this is not what occurred. What happened was this man refused to face the fact that maybe people didn’t like him as much as he thought they did. He can’t just walk up and say whatever you want to say and expect the entire nation to agree because you said so. You have to have valid proof that what you are saying is in fact the truth. We are in the middle of a global pandemic which in the last few weeks has mutated into something that we have not been prepared for. All we can honestly do is continue to try and protect ourselves and the people around us. Our leaders should be at the forefront of this notion.

Love and Marriage (I know you where singing the Married with Children Theme, When you read that)

But man how true it is. Today I was dealing with two seperate situations. First of all one of my friends that I literly just came in contact with after almost 20 years. She and I where so close at one time we would tell people that we where sisters. But years have gone by and we lived seperate lives, seperate families. And today she took the first step in changing her entire life. She has decided to walk away from her unhealthy marriage. She is ready to make her life her own. Love and Marriage may go together like a horse and carriage however, they are far from the same thing. Being in love doesn’t always mean that you put up with being threated like you are less then important then your counterpart. It’s a give and take. It actually becomes more complicated at times. We are all guilty of thinking that everyone thinks like us. That they know your struggle, your pain and emotional ups and downs, when we get upset because our family and loved ones don’t read our minds. We also make facial expression that confuse one another, express different body langage and before you know it we are mad, sad, and in mid-confrontation, before you realize you have no idea why you are mad, what started all this. But what happens when you get to the end? To the point where there is no turning back. How do you go about starting over? Sometimes people think that it’s simple, yet they haven’t walked in the person’s shoes who they are talking about. My husband and I only faced one time when we thought that our marriage was at an end. And honestly it was because we were not communicating or being honest with each other. We also were having an issue with our drug addiction at the time and we were dealing with life-changing occurrences. There was a point in our marriage when I didn’t understand where he was coming from, and I thought that he was being unreasonable and accusing me of doing something that I wasn’t doing. He was confused because he didn’t understand why I wasn’t seeing what he was seeing and it stemmed from two people that we thought were our friends we considered them family and they tried to drive a wedge in between us tried to make us mistrust each other. Honestly I’m not for sure what their end game was, but they were hell-bent on us being apart. half of the people that I worked with and my second job thought that my husband was controlling and that he was hurting me. which was not true. People at my first job said that they saw him standing around a corner looking around checking on me making sure that I was at work or doing something I was supposed to be doing. When in reality he was making sure that I was okay he was making certain that those two people were not at my job harassing me or saying things about him. This was the time in my life when I let my husband down, I didn’t have his back, I believed other people who’s intentions were not good. And I am extremely sorry for that. Wesley and I have never had the type of relationship where we were jealous, didn’t trust, and we have never lied to each other. We never had a reason to. Even after Wesley was diagnosed with DID, we should have handled that situation a lot better. But we became stronger for it. Our family is more important than anything else in this world. Us going forward together is what matters.

My second friend, moved back to our home state from Arkansas with her husband of 12 years and his three children. But I can honestly say that the situation my friend went through was something entirely different than I have ever seen I have never had Wesley or any of the 37 personalities in fact speak to me the way my friends husbands spoke to her. He went as far as telling her that she ruined his life and he should have never trusted her. He also let her children speak to her like she wasn’t a grown adult. I do realize that they are living their life that what their marriage consists of is not my business but I just don’t understand how there are still women in the world who put up with things like that. I mean this is one of my best friends she is literally on the million dollar question blog that I have written about my best friends I have known her for pretty much most of my life half of my life at least we grew up in the same neighborhood went to the same High School matter of fact my mother actually let her stay with us when we were teenagers when she and her father or stepfather were having issues getting along and it floored me to see her letting first of all teenage children talking to her however they felt like they could and watching her husband not taking the initiative to make them mind or stop is this just me or is Love and marriage becoming so much different than it should have been.

I was raised in a single parent home. My momma took care of ever aspect of our lives. She held it all together without missing a beat. Without assistance from either of our fathers, or the government. She taught us to own our destiny and not depend on someone else to save us.

Happy Birthday Son!!!

Hey my son turns 31. Now I know how that sounds since I’m only 42 and my husband is only 5 years younger than me. Our son is our foster son he actually is one of my husband’s cousins and when he was younger he had a hard time getting along with his mother’s boyfriend. To the point where she would drop him off at our home on the weekends so she didn’t have to deal with him. I know that sounds really harsh because how could a mother just drop her child off but in her defense Jordan was a handful. He came to live with us when he was a teenager and he has called us mom and dad ever since. I am proud of the man that he has become. He never was lazy, he for the most part is polite and courteous. He is an amazing person and a good individual, he always tries to get whatever in his life needing to get accomplished and owns up to his shit. I don’t think we could have ever had a better son if we had him on our own he also is the reason we went into the fostering program which started us helping teenage boys that needed us.Being a part of these boys lives was one of the best thing I ever had the honor of being a part of. Jordan was our first official, but before him we had Chris, and right after Jordan we had Paul, Alex and Dillion and I can never say in words how proud I am of all five of my boys.

Happy Birthday Jordan we love you so much son

Rosemary Gonzalas -Nana

So my brother called me today to tell me to call my dad.This could be a number of things. My dad could be ill, my stepmother could upset about something. Someone in my family could have passed away. Whatever the issue I am the last always to be informed about what ever is happening. So When I call him back I find out that my Stepmother has tested positive for Covid-19. She was hospitalized for five days and is now quarintined at home. She also had a throat infection and pneumonia. I am actually really concerned for her because, she has been having a hard time. She has had both her kness replaced and has had to retire from work.

Nana and Neva

Update I know it has been a while since our first post but am glad to report that my stepmother is doing well after testing positive for covid-19 she is now clear and doing well.

Still Learning still loving

Sometimes we have to really just step away from our day to day lives and actually remember what made us who we are today. Wesley and I have been through our share of ups and downs. We can honestly say we have been to the breaking point and we came out the other side differently.

But then there are these days that I look at him and realize how consiterant that he can be. Last night which is actually this morning, since I am a night stocker at Walmart, which during this Covid 19 pandemic, and social distancing, my line of work is now considered essential because we are allowing for our country to continue to run. Most of the time when I get off work I am so tired I feel my family suffers for not having my attention. Like I was explaining, 7am is the end of my work day, so I often refer to it as night. This morning Wesley surprised me by renting a hotel room for us. I mean not just for me and him but for Neva too.

For the past two year we have so little time to be a family, it seem that we are constantly having to explain ourselves to our families. I do realize that at the moment we have no home and are living with my parents but we are also a married couple and parents but we many days spend our time explaining our actions, what we spend our money on, and how we are raising our children. A few weeks ago I was sick and couldn’t go to work for a week and I get credical feedback from everyone like I am being lazy. Like I am not allowed to get sick, I am not allowed to sleep, when I am exausted, If I don’t sleep enough trying to get things done, I must be using again. It does not matter. No matter what I do no one is ever happy. Sometimes I wonder if I will ever be able to measure up to my mother. I know that I have disapointed her expectations of what she wanted me to be. My sister who was the “bad kid” while I was living in Arizona. Is now the golden child

We hung out in this hotel that was actually paid for by a friend of ours who consitered us as family just happen to work the front desk that morning. We also had a chance to talk about things in our lives that we don’t get the chance to say because so many people are around and in our business. After 18 years of marriage we are still learning to be husband and wife, as well as parents and we are still in love with our family even through all the stress.

Happiness is different for everyone. I love my family and I am Happy that we together no matter the case.

New world, New Education.

So to start this school year off all of these kids are starting remote learning first. Followed by face-to-face learning if the parents want to. I am not sure what Barb is going to do with Skyller if she’s going to keep Skyller in school or if she’s going to have her home school but we let Neva choose what she wanted to do and she decided she wanted to stay home and remote learn. So so far it is her second day of school and all of us are learning together the teacher included. But it seems pretty hopeful. Honestly I am really impressed by how all of the school district is coming together and making sure that these kids still have the education that they deserve to have. Through this pandemic people have been confused, they’ve been scared, they are Ensure. But for the most part the country hasn’t fallen into ruins yet and we’re not raiding each other’s houses and trying to take each other’s belongings so that’s a plus. I have noticed that people are becoming very distant toward each other. I went to a memorial service for my friend’s son and I was unsure whether I should shake people’s hands or if I was allowed to hug people that were grieving. It’s like the normal things that we grew up doing are now going to become a thing of the past. this entire world is going to have to re-educate itself and start doing things completely different just so that we can be human beings. Just so we can survive. This pandemic has showed everyone that we are not invincible. Where learning that it takes a lot to keep this country going and even though some of us have essential roles in our community now. We still are humbled to understand that there are hundreds upon hundreds even thousands of people right now that have no income, no way to support their families, and a lot of angry people who feel like they don’t deserve things that just any human being should be able to have. Some of those things are kindness, decency and just plain understanding for the individuals that we encounter and talk to you everyday.

This is baby girl getting down on her lunch break.

Any parents worst nightmare come true.

Getting ready to go to a memorial service for a baby. My co worker lost her son nearly two months ago. In the mist of all this covid-19, and social distancing they had to cremate him, just to get things started. I can’t even begin to understand her pain right now. I am medium and an empath and when I see her at work I feel like my heart is sinking into my stomach, but slowly like it’s stuck. She is so brave but honestly what choice does she have. She has to move forward with her life but how does that even work. When everything reminds her of him. I am even considering not bring my daughter to the service because I am afraid to make her sad. Or uncomfortable. From the start it is unnatural to bury a child. To plan a resting place for a baby. It’s unfair to have to do this. It’s any parents worse nightmare, to not be able to hold your baby in his last moments of life and comfort him. Hopefully we can help ease her pain. So if you can please pray for this family.