Author: Momo Ray

I am wife, and mother of an unconventionally family. Working, for a living and co piloting threw mental illness and dusting ourselves off to have another go at building our future trying to get through what today has brought us as well as what is to come. Hopefully for the better, but ready for the unexpected.

Still Learning still loving

Sometimes we have to really just step away from our day to day lives and actually remember what made us who we are today. Wesley and I have been through our share of ups and downs. We can honestly say we have been to the breaking point and we came out the other side differently.

But then there are these days that I look at him and realize how consiterant that he can be. Last night which is actually this morning, since I am a night stocker at Walmart, which during this Covid 19 pandemic, and social distancing, my line of work is now considered essential because we are allowing for our country to continue to run. Most of the time when I get off work I am so tired I feel my family suffers for not having my attention. Like I was explaining, 7am is the end of my work day, so I often refer to it as night. This morning Wesley surprised me by renting a hotel room for us. I mean not just for me and him but for Neva too.

For the past two year we have so little time to be a family, it seem that we are constantly having to explain ourselves to our families. I do realize that at the moment we have no home and are living with my parents but we are also a married couple and parents but we many days spend our time explaining our actions, what we spend our money on, and how we are raising our children. A few weeks ago I was sick and couldn’t go to work for a week and I get credical feedback from everyone like I am being lazy. Like I am not allowed to get sick, I am not allowed to sleep, when I am exausted, If I don’t sleep enough trying to get things done, I must be using again. It does not matter. No matter what I do no one is ever happy. Sometimes I wonder if I will ever be able to measure up to my mother. I know that I have disapointed her expectations of what she wanted me to be. My sister who was the “bad kid” while I was living in Arizona. Is now the golden child

We hung out in this hotel that was actually paid for by a friend of ours who consitered us as family just happen to work the front desk that morning. We also had a chance to talk about things in our lives that we don’t get the chance to say because so many people are around and in our business. After 18 years of marriage we are still learning to be husband and wife, as well as parents and we are still in love with our family even through all the stress.

Happiness is different for everyone. I love my family and I am Happy that we together no matter the case.

New world, New Education.

So to start this school year off all of these kids are starting remote learning first. Followed by face-to-face learning if the parents want to. I am not sure what Barb is going to do with Skyller if she’s going to keep Skyller in school or if she’s going to have her home school but we let Neva choose what she wanted to do and she decided she wanted to stay home and remote learn. So so far it is her second day of school and all of us are learning together the teacher included. But it seems pretty hopeful. Honestly I am really impressed by how all of the school district is coming together and making sure that these kids still have the education that they deserve to have. Through this pandemic people have been confused, they’ve been scared, they are Ensure. But for the most part the country hasn’t fallen into ruins yet and we’re not raiding each other’s houses and trying to take each other’s belongings so that’s a plus. I have noticed that people are becoming very distant toward each other. I went to a memorial service for my friend’s son and I was unsure whether I should shake people’s hands or if I was allowed to hug people that were grieving. It’s like the normal things that we grew up doing are now going to become a thing of the past. this entire world is going to have to re-educate itself and start doing things completely different just so that we can be human beings. Just so we can survive. This pandemic has showed everyone that we are not invincible. Where learning that it takes a lot to keep this country going and even though some of us have essential roles in our community now. We still are humbled to understand that there are hundreds upon hundreds even thousands of people right now that have no income, no way to support their families, and a lot of angry people who feel like they don’t deserve things that just any human being should be able to have. Some of those things are kindness, decency and just plain understanding for the individuals that we encounter and talk to you everyday.

This is baby girl getting down on her lunch break.

Any parents worst nightmare come true.

Getting ready to go to a memorial service for a baby. My co worker lost her son nearly two months ago. In the mist of all this covid-19, and social distancing they had to cremate him, just to get things started. I can’t even begin to understand her pain right now. I am medium and an empath and when I see her at work I feel like my heart is sinking into my stomach, but slowly like it’s stuck. She is so brave but honestly what choice does she have. She has to move forward with her life but how does that even work. When everything reminds her of him. I am even considering not bring my daughter to the service because I am afraid to make her sad. Or uncomfortable. From the start it is unnatural to bury a child. To plan a resting place for a baby. It’s unfair to have to do this. It’s any parents worse nightmare, to not be able to hold your baby in his last moments of life and comfort him. Hopefully we can help ease her pain. So if you can please pray for this family.

Dear Serena,

Screaming all the way to Heaven

Hey Girl,

Today was an interesting day we had our youngest daughter’s sixth birthday party. This was interesting to me because one of the last memories I have of us together was around Seth’s turning Six years old. I remember how small both of your kids where. Every now and agian I get to talk to Seth through facebook messenger. He has had a rough start to his adulthood but he has also had some opportunities that maybe would have never had before. He is a High School graduate. I have seen his diploma as well as pictures. However he did get into the drug game, causing him to get into trouble, which resulted in him getting shot in the neck and cheating death but only slightly. Man Serena how I wish I could have watched your kids grow up, how I wish you could have been part of them growing up. When I found Seth on Facebook I was afraid he would not remember me. When he facetimed me the first thing out of his mouth was “I remember your face”, the most amazing words I have ever heard.

So  proud

Baby girl however did not remember me and I never expected her to. She was so young. The reason for this blog subject is that this morning I saw a bittersweet picture on Yunique’s facebook page. Now I have gotten to see your daughter’s life in vicarious photos of her that have been Posted. But I have seen her graduation pictures as well as a video of her actually walking across the stage which I actually teared up at. Both of your younger children, of course, I have no actual contact with DJ, are named after your madien name and your brother John. So they are both Holden, well….. Yunique is now married so she is Yunique Dunivan.

Beautiful Bride

Which brings me to the reason for this post. Serena you are going to be a grandma. It makes me fell old, it makes me realize that had we still been a family like we were, we would have been surrogate grandparents. Great uncle and aunt at the least. Serena she posted three Pregnancy test so this just got real. I know that this news would have brought you such Joy. I want you to know that I still think about you. I am trying to keep your memory alive in your children and the world. I am sometimes sad that you will not be able to see this.

Monica Ray

P.S. You know that the Ghetto Towel is actually a thing now, we should have pattened that shit when we came up with it. Lol

Yunique and Seth, Yunique’s graduation

You are gonna be a grandma

Your son at your grave. They miss you so much. We all do

Maybe questioning The almighty is above my pay grade!!!

Some people, are planned, some are a surprise, some are considered unplanned blessing, me I am a never should have been. Some days I look on the bright side of things and believe I am here for a reason. Some purpose that is greater than my parents just being brought together, or even bigger than I can imagine being. I am That girl. No matter who you are, if I pass you I say good morning. I ask you how your day has been. My  smile is probably the second thing people notice about me. Normally the first question I get is “How tall are you” and for those of you who are new that would be 4 feet 9 1/2 inches, yeah you read that right, I can legally have my airbags disengaged because at my height I am too close to the steering wheel, so a deployed airbag will not save my life it  will kill me , most likely from decapitation. So trust me seat belts will do just fine. My Smile is what makes people feel like I am approachable. It’s what makes them think that I am nice, sweet, caring even safe. They couldn’t be more wrong. I am none of these things.I am courteous, polite, respectful, and considerate. But don’t get it twisted because the moment, that you are disrespectful to me I will make you feel like, your world is falling on your head chichen little. I am not respectful to people because they have a higher station in life, or because they happened to live on this plan of existence for decades longer then I have, I am respectful because they have not crossed me yet. That same smile that makes strangers feel comfortable, is still present when I am in your face reminding you that you have no idea who is behind that broad smile. John Wayne Gacy wore a smile and performed in children’s hospital and charitable events but they still found 33 men and young boys who he managed to lured them not only, to their gruesome deaths but he defiled them in the most inhuman manner, by sexually assulting them, murdering them and then shoving them  away as if they where part of the plaster on the walls.

People hide themselves, until they are forced to let it out. They try to make life as simple as they believe everyone elses is. We hide behind our social media where we post pictures of our apple pie american lives when we really are distancing the sincere version of who we really are from each other, making it so much more difficult to understand what is normal behavior, and what red flags we should be looking for. The smile on my face could be anything from joy to the last straw of  a Mass murderer that may finally get their day of reckoning.

So I work for Wal mart. Don’t roll your eyes I am not that disgruntle Wal-Mart associate who is gonna blast all my superiors for talking down to me, during one of my ultra sensitive breakdowns, I meant to have on the ride to work. I promise I am not going to go postal and pick off unsuspecting commuters, who are just trying to feed their families in this time of financial cataclysm. That is not what this post is aiming towards. This Post is about something that happened to me last night while I was on my lunch break. My aunt called me to get some information about a trip that we have been planning. My cousin is coming home from prison and needs us to pick him up,  we will be leaving in eight days and she was making sure we are still on track. While she was  giving some info she had gathered I was eating my lunch, and inturn giving her the information I had. There was only three people in the break room, when I came in, myself, a lady who works on our team and a lady that for the most part is normally nice. We say our good mornings and goodbyes but I don’t particularly know what her duties are. To my surprise, she stopped me in the middle of my conversation and said that I needed to be quite, because she needed quite. I was shocked because on a normal lunch break, there are at least six people in that room, and we are busting out lunch like buffet style watching the Nanny on the TV. We are not a quite bunch. My point is that I can be loud, we all know this but, for someone to just think it is alright to speak to someone like they do not matter. I do try to be kind to my coworkers , I try to be curtious but this woman was so rude, so rude that my coworker stepped in. How did this lady know I wasn’t going to be waiting for her outside in her car. How did she know I was not crazy. Because I most certainly am. Look this is my third Walmart I have worked at. When I was at the Grapevine store we had two inmates in a transport van escape while the cops where inside. There also was a man who commeted suicide in the parking lot by drinking two bottles of mouthwash, The code 25 found him a few days later. The Texas heat was so hot it caused his head to explode. When the police showed up they thought he had shot himself. In Benson, Az, a gentleman pulled into a parking spot not realizing an older gentleman was waiting on it. As he got out of his vehicle the older man stabbed him, and then walked into the store went to menswear got a new shirt changed then, walked up to the pharmacy couniter to stand in line like nothing happened. When the police arrived, they went to the pharmacy arrest him, he acted like nothing was wrong and insisted they wait for his prescription to be filled. Some people have a different crazy then you tred with caution, because questioning the almighty is above my pay grade.