Still Learning still loving

Sometimes we have to really just step away from our day to day lives and actually remember what made us who we are today. Wesley and I have been through our share of ups and downs. We can honestly say we have been to the breaking point and we came out the other side differently.

But then there are these days that I look at him and realize how consiterant that he can be. Last night which is actually this morning, since I am a night stocker at Walmart, which during this Covid 19 pandemic, and social distancing, my line of work is now considered essential because we are allowing for our country to continue to run. Most of the time when I get off work I am so tired I feel my family suffers for not having my attention. Like I was explaining, 7am is the end of my work day, so I often refer to it as night. This morning Wesley surprised me by renting a hotel room for us. I mean not just for me and him but for Neva too.

For the past two year we have so little time to be a family, it seem that we are constantly having to explain ourselves to our families. I do realize that at the moment we have no home and are living with my parents but we are also a married couple and parents but we many days spend our time explaining our actions, what we spend our money on, and how we are raising our children. A few weeks ago I was sick and couldn’t go to work for a week and I get credical feedback from everyone like I am being lazy. Like I am not allowed to get sick, I am not allowed to sleep, when I am exausted, If I don’t sleep enough trying to get things done, I must be using again. It does not matter. No matter what I do no one is ever happy. Sometimes I wonder if I will ever be able to measure up to my mother. I know that I have disapointed her expectations of what she wanted me to be. My sister who was the “bad kid” while I was living in Arizona. Is now the golden child

We hung out in this hotel that was actually paid for by a friend of ours who consitered us as family just happen to work the front desk that morning. We also had a chance to talk about things in our lives that we don’t get the chance to say because so many people are around and in our business. After 18 years of marriage we are still learning to be husband and wife, as well as parents and we are still in love with our family even through all the stress.

Happiness is different for everyone. I love my family and I am Happy that we together no matter the case.